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Beverly Hills 90210
Beverly Hills 90210 was a TV series that documented the struggle of Republican teenagers growing up in Beverly Hills and having to deal with such issues as relationships. Life is hard. Plot The Walsh twins show up from Minnesota are introduced to the world of people who are rich because they worked hard and earned it. Its called the free market libs. They meet such characters as David Silver and are immediately impressed. They also meet 40 year old Andrea along with some guys named Dylan and Steve who are only in there 30s. Kelly Taylor and street performer Donna Martin round out the cast. What adventures will these kids get into? Well, they will all battle drug addiction for a few episodes, and the girls will all be almost raped, and the guys will fight over the girls. Thats about it. Oh, also they will hang out at the Peach Pit all the time, which has frightening parallels to the Max. Cast 'Brian Austin Green - David Silver' David was the west coast rap star that the guys want to be and the girls came to see. With songs such as "Precious based on the novel Push by Sapphire" he won the hearts of many. Rest of cast 'Luke Perry - Dylan Mckay' Dylan was a surfing James Dean who often stuggled with alcoholism and a perpetually furrowed brow. His size 0 waist often led to eating disorders for his jealous girlfriends such as Kelly and Gina. He married Rebecca Gayheart but in a shocking twist she was killed in her car. The shocking twist was that she wasnt the one killing someone with her car. Dylan later left town but returned when Luke Perry couldnt find any other work. 'Jason Priestley - Brandon Walsh' Brandon Walsh had dreams of becoming a member of the Liberal Media but most of the places he interviewed at had signs saying "You must be this tall to work". Double standards. 'Shannen Doherty - Brenda Walsh' Brandons twin sister, Brenda was an actress and a whiner. She and Kelly often competed to see who could blow things out of proportion the most. 'Jennie Garth - Kelly Taylor' Kelly had a tough life in high school, having to date Steve Sanders. Then after high school she got burned in a fire, joined a cult, was addicted to coke, was shot, was raped, and was stalked and almost killed by the girl from Single White Female. Still better than what she went through in high school. 'Tori Spelling - Bozo the Clown' Bozo learned about abstinence and decided to practice it just like most teenagers do. Sarah Palin was right. However she was very attracted to musical talent and therefore dated both David Silver and Ray Pruit, the two best musicians. Whoever wins will be rewarded with a lot of kissing. Score! 'Ian Ziering - Steve Sanders' Steve Sanders was an independent White man who had it tougher then everyone else, and often complained about it which is known as speaking the truth. He drove a little red corvette who was much too fast. Once he asked a guy the retail on his car and the guy responed "more than you can afford pal. FERARRI." This led to a drag race which had to be broken up by Dylan. 'Gabrielle Carteris - Mrs. Zuckerman' Mrs. Zuckerman was the geography teacher who often hung out with the group so that Brandon could get a good grade in her class. Known for her generous gift giving such as offering her body to Brandon as a goodbye present - what a slick deal. Her story was told in the documentary Never Been Kissed. 'Tiffani Amber Thiessen - Kelly Kapowksi' Kelly came to town with one goal only: bang every man in town. She achieved this by week 4. 'Kathleen Robertson - Claire' Claire was dark and disturbed, which manifested itself in her choice of boyfriends. In Claires spare time she was an internet troll who often trolled chatrooms despite warnings from David that she would get flamed. Eventually she realized she was dating Steve and went into self imposed exile in England to atone. 'Vanessa Marcil - Gina Kinkaid' Despite at one time getting down to 80 lbs Gina never reached her goal of being skinner then Dylan, and left town in shame. 'Jamie Walters - Ray Pruit' Independent and Rock and Roll Ray Pruit spelled his name with one t cause thats all his mama could afford. Thats what happens when Obama taxes us all to hell. Pretty soon none of us will be able to afford the letters in are names. 'Joe E. Tata - Nat' And Joe E. Tata as Nat.